March 9, 2016

I have been so down and depressed recently and I do not know what to do. Just feel like crying. Guess I am very lonely. If I did not have Alberto I would probably be in a mental institution. My family is very busy with their lives and I guess they love me but I do not feel very loved.

Lee never phones and when he does he really does not care to speak to me. Caroline is relieved when she calls and I am not home so she does not have to speak to me. She leaves a message not to phone back but that we will talk in the next few weeks. I am not stupid. When I do speak with her she is always very nice.

When I phone Ron and Grace nine times out of ten no one answers the phone. I phoned my mum every Sunday morning. We caught up with what was going on. My kids don't seem to have time. I have stopped phoning as it depresses me even more.

Just feel like I belong no where. Have very little going on in my life. Even mike phones once in a while but jacqui has had many health problems. He has little time also. I am not looking for someone to entertain me but just to feel someone cares.

It is hard to get friends because at my age people do not give a damn and seem to care on,y about themselves. I have reached out a lot trying to make friends but ..........

Hate to be a complainer but this is what I am doing.

I think about going somewhere else to live where I would not have to worry about hurricanes. Just can't figure out where to go. Maybe I will just pick myself up and go somewhere else.

Jac has his hands full with his bad health. So there you go. Maybe I just expect too much from anyone.

Get tired very quickly and sometimes fall asleep for a half hour so I can get thru the day. I do get up at 5 am and can't sleep later.

I do enjoy taking Alberto to dog park and watching him play. He brings much joy to my life. Am trying to teach a reliable come command. He is getting there but not there yet. He seems to enjoy school so will have to find him one to attend.

I wonder what people do to find some joy in life?  I watch too much tv and bad tv at that. Would like to take a class but I have a bad memory and cannot remember much.  So there it is. My problems that no one wants to hear about.