Am so depressed. It has taken me almost a week to get the test strips and machine to check my blood sugar. Dr did not write Rx correctly for insurance and government. Been to pharmacy three times and it still was not right. Pharmacy just phoned to say it was ready. I now have to go and pick up and make appointment with doctor so they can show me how to use. Had to phone doctors office three times. You have to have on Rx how mant times you must test a day and doctor left it off.
Keep hearing about lots of deaths. Robin Williams, Lauren bacall, scientist in japan that killed himself because his stem cell research was questioned. I know we can all die at any moment in time but I feel like "is this my last day on earth today?" Worry about my little Alberto and hope that Ron will come and take him and love him like I do if I die. He is really a love and keeps me going.
Went to bingo today to stay busy in riverwalk. It was ok. Much better than last one.
Went to doggie park early. Not many dogs just jack, Douglas and Lola. He liked Lola. Never seen her before. She is border collie and nice.
Have to exercise on bike cause I did not have enough time to swim today.
Wednesday, August 13, 2014
Saturday, August 9, 2014
August 8 2014
Went to doctor on Wednesday and found out I am diabetic. Guess I should not be surprised because it runs in my family and am overweight. At this point I do not care to share this information with anyone but Alberto. Took first pill this am. Have to take it twice a day with food. I go back next week to learn how to check my blood. Have much to learn. Am really trying to lose weight which I hope will help.
Am pretty depressed. Found out a former neighbor passed away yesterday in Massachusetts. Her name was Millie Sheehan and we were young together. Her husband died young like mine. It will be 21 years in September. Don't think I am over it yet. She had a lovely family. Her kids played with my kids. Trying to pull out of depression.
Alberto and I went to doggie park this am. Flies are horrendous there. I keep complaining to park and recreation department. He had a fabulous time running and playing. A little chihuahua came in that could really outrun him. He had a blast. Harvey the beagle was there and Shadow the cocker spaniel were there. Then this guy came in with two little dogs. They had been there before. He really likes them. The owner walked to other end of park and sat down on a bench. Alberto followed them and jumped into the mans lap. We have seen them there occasionally. He lavished them with lots of kisses. Man enjoyed the attention. It got time to leave and I had to retrieve him as he ignored me completely. He came home tired and happy.
Started working on lees hat. Hope it comes out good. First one I made and mailed never arrived. So sorry.
Did not swim today cause I wanted to make sure I did not have reaction to diabetes medicine. Will go first thing in am. It is part of regimen. Maryanne left for Pittsburgh last night to try and get her cousin to come back. He broke his hip and leg. Hope all goes well.
Trying to figure out what to get Bella for her birthday lee is wishy washy. Caroline said a remote controlled car. Guess that will work for me. She will be 5 on August 25.
Someday maybe my kids will understand me but it will be too late by then. Feel like they are just too busy to be bothered with me. Mike is same way. So I have learned to expect nothing. Then I don't get upset.
Am really lucky to have Alberto. Just hope if something happens to me Ron will keep his promise and take him and love him. He is a real little lover. So very sweet and affectionate not just to me but everyone he meets.
Am pretty depressed. Found out a former neighbor passed away yesterday in Massachusetts. Her name was Millie Sheehan and we were young together. Her husband died young like mine. It will be 21 years in September. Don't think I am over it yet. She had a lovely family. Her kids played with my kids. Trying to pull out of depression.
Alberto and I went to doggie park this am. Flies are horrendous there. I keep complaining to park and recreation department. He had a fabulous time running and playing. A little chihuahua came in that could really outrun him. He had a blast. Harvey the beagle was there and Shadow the cocker spaniel were there. Then this guy came in with two little dogs. They had been there before. He really likes them. The owner walked to other end of park and sat down on a bench. Alberto followed them and jumped into the mans lap. We have seen them there occasionally. He lavished them with lots of kisses. Man enjoyed the attention. It got time to leave and I had to retrieve him as he ignored me completely. He came home tired and happy.
Started working on lees hat. Hope it comes out good. First one I made and mailed never arrived. So sorry.
Did not swim today cause I wanted to make sure I did not have reaction to diabetes medicine. Will go first thing in am. It is part of regimen. Maryanne left for Pittsburgh last night to try and get her cousin to come back. He broke his hip and leg. Hope all goes well.
Trying to figure out what to get Bella for her birthday lee is wishy washy. Caroline said a remote controlled car. Guess that will work for me. She will be 5 on August 25.
Someday maybe my kids will understand me but it will be too late by then. Feel like they are just too busy to be bothered with me. Mike is same way. So I have learned to expect nothing. Then I don't get upset.
Am really lucky to have Alberto. Just hope if something happens to me Ron will keep his promise and take him and love him. He is a real little lover. So very sweet and affectionate not just to me but everyone he meets.
Friday, June 20, 2014
Today is June 20, 2014 Friday
Yesterday I had to go to dentist and have a tooth pulled. I was petrified. Dentist was pretty nice and calmed me down. My tooth was loose and wiggling. I had some discomfort the past few months. He said I had pus in my gums. He had to novacaine the roof of my mouth and that hurt. Waiting for novacaine to kick in seemed like an eternity. It came out after several, several pulls. I was delighted to be leaving there. When I stopped at desk to pay my share of 65.00 I could not sign my name for the charge card. My hand was shaking so badly. Finally managed it.
Went home from dentist and got something to eat. Did not feel well at all. Spent rest of day resting. Had to keep changing the packing each half hour for several hours. I felt so all alone in the world. My boy Alberto watched over me. He would not let me out of his sight. Feel a little better today.
Unfortunately my friends do not want to talk about my things at all. So I have stopped trying to discuss anything pertaining to me. I find people want to talk about themselves only. Don't speak to my kids often enough to bother them with my things. Really feel like no one really cares. I find it interesting that is the way people are today.
Afternoon rains have started for summer. Did not swim today as I think my mouth needs to heal some and germs from pool probably not good.
Bought a pot roast and had for dinner. Alberto seemed to enjoy really want him back on dogfood but my guilt keeps kicking in and ruining my plan.
Saw my neighbor Pierre this afternoon. He goes back to canada on Sunday and will return in September and again in December. He and Marie love it here and he can't wait to retire in two years. He is Assistant director of Montreal police department with 29 years experience. Such a nice guy and so is his wife.
Tedd phoned today. He is great and seems interested and caring. Hope he gets to run his marathon in San Francisco. He keeps hurting himself.
Going out to lunch tomorrow with friend who lost her husband on Mother's Day this year. Think she just needs to be with people. I worked with her husband. He was a dear, dear man.
Ron just phoned to say he was on way home from work. He has chills and fever. Been that way for a week. Sure hope he gets well quickly. They are picking up their new puppy tomorrow Ronen is so excited Ronen May name him Coco. Know they will have fun with him they all loved Paco so much. He lived to 18 year. Phenomenal for a dog.
Yesterday I had to go to dentist and have a tooth pulled. I was petrified. Dentist was pretty nice and calmed me down. My tooth was loose and wiggling. I had some discomfort the past few months. He said I had pus in my gums. He had to novacaine the roof of my mouth and that hurt. Waiting for novacaine to kick in seemed like an eternity. It came out after several, several pulls. I was delighted to be leaving there. When I stopped at desk to pay my share of 65.00 I could not sign my name for the charge card. My hand was shaking so badly. Finally managed it.
Went home from dentist and got something to eat. Did not feel well at all. Spent rest of day resting. Had to keep changing the packing each half hour for several hours. I felt so all alone in the world. My boy Alberto watched over me. He would not let me out of his sight. Feel a little better today.
Unfortunately my friends do not want to talk about my things at all. So I have stopped trying to discuss anything pertaining to me. I find people want to talk about themselves only. Don't speak to my kids often enough to bother them with my things. Really feel like no one really cares. I find it interesting that is the way people are today.
Afternoon rains have started for summer. Did not swim today as I think my mouth needs to heal some and germs from pool probably not good.
Bought a pot roast and had for dinner. Alberto seemed to enjoy really want him back on dogfood but my guilt keeps kicking in and ruining my plan.
Saw my neighbor Pierre this afternoon. He goes back to canada on Sunday and will return in September and again in December. He and Marie love it here and he can't wait to retire in two years. He is Assistant director of Montreal police department with 29 years experience. Such a nice guy and so is his wife.
Tedd phoned today. He is great and seems interested and caring. Hope he gets to run his marathon in San Francisco. He keeps hurting himself.
Going out to lunch tomorrow with friend who lost her husband on Mother's Day this year. Think she just needs to be with people. I worked with her husband. He was a dear, dear man.
Ron just phoned to say he was on way home from work. He has chills and fever. Been that way for a week. Sure hope he gets well quickly. They are picking up their new puppy tomorrow Ronen is so excited Ronen May name him Coco. Know they will have fun with him they all loved Paco so much. He lived to 18 year. Phenomenal for a dog.
Friday, May 9, 2014
Today is Friday May 10, 2014. Sunday is Mother's Day. I am feeling rather low these days but it does not matter for no one cares. Alberto, my pup, and I live together. He gets me through the days now. I feel my family is much too busy with their lives to be interested in anything I do. My friends are interested in themselves only. I have several friends that when I try to speak about myself just shut the conversation down in the middle of my sentence so as a result I do not bother anymore.
Life is strange. I always thought my husband would be around for most of my life but he is dead now for 20 years and life seemed to stop for me then. He was the only one I loved and could trust with anything. I do believe he loved me. Just got too stressed out by life and died.
The older I get the harder it seems to go on. Things I cared about do not seem to matter so much. It is what it is.
I try to be helpful to people when I can for it makes me happy to do something for someone.
My kids do not understand why I had to leave California. They probably never will and will harbor the resentment to me forever. I get token phone calls now and then I guess to ease their conscious. You can't force you relatives to care. I am so over it. I know I have me and that is it.
Here's hoping life gets better so I care a little.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)