Well it is December19, 2016 and I cannot wait for the month to be over. I go into depression each December and I am trying to deny that it is December. I get another year older each December and now that I am older than dirt the depression is worse. I try to stay busy by helping others where I can. The days go faster that way.

Started going out to dinner with a friend on Saturday night about 5:30. There are 2-3 others that also come and am usually home by 8 pm. I need more friends I guess. Am not a very social person and do not like folks knowing my personal business. Have enjoyed going out for past several months and shall continue. 

My brother in law mike says he is retiring mid January. Job is giving too much stress. He is only 59 so he will probably find part time or something else. His health is not that good and stress has gotten to him. He is master electrician so don't think he will have trouble doing something else. 

February 14, 2017

happy Valentine's Day to me. Have no boyfriends, loves, etc. feeling very lonely. Kids don't seem to care or are too busy. I keep reaching out to them but get very little back. Guess I am pretty depressed with my life and I am the only one that can change it. Life just seems to get harder and harder each day as I age. Do not like this feeling. I do the best I can but continually feel I am failing at life.

Had crafts today and everyone knocked themselves out- wearing red and showing up with small gift - i.e. Candy, brownies, whipped maple syrup or a solar toy for the window. It was fun and nice to be around such great folks.  All enjoyed our little two hours of fun while working on our crafts.

Came home and had hot and sour soup. Played with Alberto, cleaned a little. Wanted to lie down but Al was having none of this so am so very tired tonight. Fell asleep before 7 then woke up at 10 and been up for several hours. Guess I will go back to sleep. Love to the world.

July 5, 2017

A very lonely time here. Few friends and I don't seem to belong anywheres. Except for my brother, rest of family has little time to speak with me.

 I guess I am in pity party mode. I need to throw out lots of stuff but can't seem to bring myself to do it. Need to start a program and just do it. Not worry about donating, just pitch it. Depressing to me. Spend too much time on computer accomplishing little.

Burnt out on crocheting but enjoy group once a week. Grace said her sister liked the baby blanket I made and sent. That is gratifying to hear.

Keep trying to stay positive. Alberto keeps me going like no one could understand. Cannot get him trained to where I want to be. Cannot get him to eat dogfood - have to bite the bullet and stand strong. If we are going out he wants to go but refuses to come to me. Does not understand and know how smart he is.

Have not spoken to Jacquie since December 2016. She cut me off. Was extremely upset but was not going to push myself on her. It has been a pleasure not listening to her problems. She is a nice person but unfortunately the negativity bowls me over. So be it. She is also crazy about Trump and I am not.

Weather here hotter than hades. The humidity killing me. Outside for 15 minutes and soaking wet. Read about dog boarding place in Tampa that left dog outside too long and it died. Just unbelievable.

Constantly fight with food. Trying to stay away from carbs which are my downfall. I was doing so well but fell off the wagon and gained 7 lbs back. Struggle, struggle.

Wish I could win lottery. Wow, would my life change. I would be out of here in a Mexican minute. Don't know where but I would get out of Florida if I could afford it. Starting to hate it here.

Saw Fourth of July celebration on tv last night, beach boys, blues brothers, etc and then fireworks. Really enjoyed it. Then off to bed with my boy. We worry about each other all night. Thank goodness someone cares.

I see my life fleeting by faster and faster and worry about stupid things I have no control over. Think about death lots more. Is that normal?

Guess I will close now and try to get some work done in house. Also have a few plants to put out in flower garden. Really enjoy seeing flowers. Absolutely no luck with vegetables in Florida. Some ate my Florida summer swamp tomatoes. Need to pull them up.

Hope my next post is more positive than this. Adios.