Well it is 1:24 a.m. I was sound asleep and the phone awakened me. I did not answer in time so now I am awake and cannot go back to sleep. My life seems to be a mess. I have never been able to recover after the death of my husband. It will be 17 years in September. I am much too weak a person I reckon. I still miss him so much. While our life together was not perfect, this is much worse. Man was not meant to live alone and I am all alone. Sure I am lonesome. I could be living in California where my oldest son is residing. I do not like California and when I say that, people look at me as if I am crazy and maybe I am.
Life is strange. I am in my home many, many hours a day and with no voices whatsoever. I do speak to Moses, the cat sometimes but other than that = nothing. Loud noises, music, voices, etc. seem to really irritate me these days. I guess this is how I shall live out my life. Sure, I have some friends but there is nothing like a spouse, one that you care about and they care about you. One to soothe you when you are not feeling well or speak with when you need company. I had it for 29 years and I guess the lord thought that was enough for me.
I know lots of couples and they all seem to be miserable. They really don't know what they have and won't til it is gone.
I see my sons with their wives and what a pleasure it is to see these couples in love. I am so very happy for them.
Have been swimming each morning at eight am. for about an hour. Have been doing for around a month. When I first started it lasted no longer than 15 minutes. So this is progress. I found when I go in late afternoon the water in the pool is too warm in which to swim. Air temperatures have been running in the 90's, water temp 85. Hard to swim at that temperature. It has made me feel a little better. Hope to be able to increase the time after a while. Still trying to get everything together.
