Went and visited my sister in nursing home this morning. She had a big smile for me.
Left and wandered around Costco to try and shake off depression. Bought some wine for host for Thanksgiving where I am going. Had a slice of pizza and a coke to waste time. Came home and tried to clean up some of the stuff on my desk.
Nothing in my life seems to have any meaning to me. The joye de vivre, no anything. It is like I have given up.
Yesterday on Sunday, I went to a synagogue book fair. It turned out to be mostly jewelry and crafts and very few books. Thought people might be a little friendly but they were not. Bought two small books and a dreidel for my grandson. Hope he likes them.
My brother and his wife kindly invited me to go to dinner with them which I did. They had their friend with them. It was pleasant and then came home to same bleakness.
I really just want to leave all material things here, walk out and go somewhere that I can afford to be. Just cannot take much more of this. Know it is up to me to change this but I don't seem to be able to do so. I cried my eyes out last night and could not stop. Finally went to sleep. Am really frightened. Just don't give a damn about anything.
Put some clothes out for charity that is to come around but lost the paper to attach. Home they take it anyway.
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