Have never felt so alone in my whole life or been so depressed. Met my son for lunch yesterday where he works. It was nice to be with him and he is a great guy. Am so very proud of him.
Came home and cried. My brother showed up later with mail which he dropped off.
Just wish I knew what would make me happy. I just keep crying. Am really alone with no one. My kids care, in their way but they have their own lives which they should and I just feel alone in the world. My husband was such a great guy and I guess, like most, took him for granted part of the time. He had his flaws but what I wouldn't give to have him back. He died 15 years ago at the age of 49.
Saw my sister in nursing home this morning. Did not stay long as she went to sleep and ignored me. That is the norm for her now. Went shopping and bought some yarn to make a baby afghan for someone having a baby in January. Bought some crackers for dip for Thanksgiving.
Did laundry, tidied up, mopped floors, dusted, etc. Then went to Taco Bell for lunch/dinner as I had not eaten. It rained a little which I guess is very unusual for this part of the country and this time of the year. In Florida where I used to live they would not even count it as rain. Here, it is a big deal.
Going to meet my daughter in law tomorrow saturday where she is going to show me around a different part of California than where I live now. She does not like where I live now.
Just playing on computer endlessly to dull my mind. Feel like I need to run out of here and never come back. Have never hated a place as much as I do this one. Do not know how to go out and meet people here or to make friends. Am retired so I have little contact with the world. How does one go about this? Just don't have the energy required for what I need to do. So I sit and wither and really don't care.
